The Five Steps to Forgiveness
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. Even if what happened seems to be really bad, it is possible and necessary to find a way to forgive the person if not the act. You are the one who will most benefit from your act of forgiveness and you are the one who will suffer most if you choose not to forgive. Anger, resentment, pain, guilt, fear and any other negative emotion held in the heart all cause suffering and ultimately illness. So to forgive is an expression of self love and it will save your life. Forgiveness is a choice we can make in every moment.
We either make ourselves miserable or happy but the effort is the same. (The Secret)
1. Forgive yourself for any harm you may have caused to yourself and anyone else.
Perhaps you have been harboring negative feelings and judgements for a while. Have you shut out a person who has asked to be forgiven? Have you created discomfort for others because you are sad or in a bad mood? These kind of scenarios have caused you pain for you in your life and you have done it to yourself. Therefore there is room to forgive yourself. Ultimately you don’t deserve to suffer and neither do others.
2. Forgive the other person for any harm he or she has caused you. (Forgive the person, not the deed!)
This can be a tough at times. One thing that may help with this step is a quote by Harvey Jackins, the founder of Re-Evaluation Counseling.
“Every single human being, when the entire situation is taken into account, has always, at every moment in the past, done the very best that he or she could do and therefore deserves neither blame nor reproach from anyone, especially self. This in particular is true of you.”
3. Give the other person permission to forgive you for any harm you may have caused.
As part of the equation, we play a part in what goes on whether it is conscious and we know about it or it is unconscious and we have no idea. Every person has their own perception of a situation and to them it is real and it is the truth. We can never necessarily know what another person is experiencing as we view them through our own eyes and perhaps we have caused suffering we didn’t even know about.
4. Learn the lesson… find some good from the experience that can benefit you.
There is a nugget of gold in every experience that will expand your understanding of different points of view, create compassion for others or self and/or teach you something of importance for living in the future. Find the good, and then feel the good.
5. Wish the other person well. Give up the chance to get even and be thankful and grateful.
Sometimes when emotions are running high it may seem like getting even is a good idea but when you go inside does it really feel good in the end. All the original negativity is still there and there is a whole new layer added on. Being in gratitude and thankfulness feels much better.
Note: You must carry out all of these steps with feeling and emotion